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if you're into pinecone fanfiction does that make you a firry

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Strap in, boys. Cuz where we're going, it's illegal to not wear seatbelts

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This account is now devoted to Angry Birds fan theories.

me, in elementary/junior high school: "Why do all the kids make fun of the music I like"

me, listening to the same music 30+ years later: "Why do all the kids make fun of the music I like"

everything I compulsively click on the internet, you can follow with "Next! On Sick Sad World"

*Granola Hippie Dad leans out of the kitchen*

Hon, we're all out of coconut aminos! I'm going to have to use soy sauce instead!

*theme music plays*

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*Granola Hippie Dad sits down his son for a heart-to-heart*

GHD: it's okay that you ate a burger to impress the older boys. But you should really come home and eat your nutritional yeast

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My TV sitcom character would be: Granola Hippie Dad

Business idea: Fox News, but led by, and about, actual foxes.

I love that I can come on here and ask a tech question and get 10 replies and they're all correct.

@Gargron put his blood, sweat, and tears into Mastodon so I can post things like, "Guys, I just ate a wet cigarette, do I go to the hospital or... ???"

Your Christian name is the first name of an old sailor you once met and the word “Good” in front of the word “man”.

goodnight everybody, don't think about mr. mime scuttling towards you on all fours

Pulling a tendon as a kid: give it a few days, you'll be running around in the dirt again or whatever kids do

Pulling a tendon as an adult: oh god this leg is never going to feel the same again huh

I want to strike fear into other males with my lustrous silver hairy back. I'm willing to go around shirtless to do so (bonus: my beer belly is quite intimidating)

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As I get older, I notice the gray in my beard, but when do I get the silver stripe down my back?

Gremlins is a great movie, I love all those little yellow guys speaking their weird language

Me, a guy without kids: wow Frozen is a fun musical with great songs, I should buy the soundtrack

A parent: my kid has been playing that song on repeat since 2013, please kill me

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