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if you're into pinecone fanfiction does that make you a firry

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Strap in, boys. Cuz where we're going, it's illegal to not wear seatbelts

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This account is now devoted to Angry Birds fan theories.

Do not “federate” with me. disgusting.

me explaining sex to my kids: *slaps two steaks together over and over again*

birds prefer it if you do not mention their nostrils. or even think about them

pressing my bare ass up to a chainlink fence to create amusing squares

I've been trying to be more mindful lately. Mindfully brushing my teeth, mindfully going for a nature walk, mindfully stealing yogurts from the work fridge, etc.

I'm having a good time being online right now.

Remember those things at the fair where you throw an oversized baseball at a button and it makes the person in the water tank fall into the water and drown?

This is the point in the movie where we find out the villain Ever Given was actually trying to save us, holding a portal to hell closed or something

Patreon is the what Eevee evolves into when you touch it with a Money Stone

If I get really salty in a battle with a wild pokemon, I use cut as my final move before I kill them.

Wanna feel old? People were born in 1989.

If you made it to 30 years old, bravo, here's your medal for making this this long... nobody gives a shit!

When you have kids, you start worrying about the next generation. You start thinking things like "Wow, jeez, maybe I shouldn't dump all this toxic waste into the city's water supply."

I don't get Christ the Redeemer. What's so great about a big Jesus?

(scoffing) i could defeat the rubik's cube easily. it has no attacks. it's weak

pulling out my pubes with tweezers saying "he loves me"/"he loves me not" in turn

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