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if you're into pinecone fanfiction does that make you a firry

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Strap in, boys. Cuz where we're going, it's illegal to not wear seatbelts

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This account is now devoted to Angry Birds fan theories.

when you connect something with bluetooth, it can never be paired with another device. The two devices are soul-bonded, and will mate for life

pretty sure my cat doesn't respect me, because she's always muttering "loser" under her breath

if Gandalf and Ganondorf were a celebrity power couple they would be Gandorf which just sounds like Ganondorf said fast

when I first started playing civilization VI: What the fuck is going on why are there 1000 buttons and why is there so much ready? What is this, school?

1 boost = 1 ringing endorsement of the poster and all their poor decisions

I finally got through all the Lord of the Rings movies. I mean, I was also playing civilization and minecraft at the time, but I got most of it.

I have so many questions.

Like for one, if Gandalf knows wizard magic or whatever, why didn't he just have the ring destroyed day 1?

I don't know, seems kinda lazy of Gandalf to do that to the hobbit man.

If I was half as smart as all you nerds and computer geniuses on here, I would do evil with my powers. I know it.

I don't have kids and I haven't posted in a while, but still considering putting, "mommy blogger" in my bio.


damn those burgers must be really fucking good

the whole "average person eats 8 spiders per year in their sleep" thing is skewed by people like me, who eat 30,000 spiders in their sleep

it's more important to look at the median in this case

welcoming people to mastodon in a friendly manner is deceptive. like the first act in a horror movie where the locals of a small town pretend everything is idyllic.

Men can be really gross. They burp loudly and yell at babes walking down the street and make fart jokes. And yet, I must continue the species.

I don't know if a lot of straight macho men know this but a stranger man yelling at you on the street, regardless of attractiveness, is terrifying. Please stop, stranger men of mastodon who do that.

5 Seattle etiquette tips 

1. Never talk to strangers, they will think you are going to rob them.

2. When you meet someone cool, exchange numbers with them and be sure never to call them back to hang out. If they ask why you never responded, tell them your grandma died.

3. Always bundle up before going out in the cold.

4. Never carry an umbrella. Let your face get wet with cold water all day.

5. Get straight to business when dealing with anyone. Everyone's busy doing nothing with nobody.

let me tell you about English, this language where they sometimes add an e to the plural of words that end in o (tomatoes, potatoes, tornadoes) and sometimes not (tangoes, aficionadoes, mottoes) and they have no idea why

@ElfLord: "What was Thomas Jefferson's vision of a Jetsons future?"

me: "I dunno, probably not dying of dysentery"

She’s not a girl, not quite a woman. She’s a cat.

You can block someone for any reason on here. Did you guys know this??

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