Pinned toot

if you're into pinecone fanfiction does that make you a firry

Pinned toot

Strap in, boys. Cuz where we're going, it's illegal to not wear seatbelts

Pinned toot

This account is now devoted to Angry Birds fan theories.

why does God keep teasing me with one or two gray hairs. I want to be a silverfox NOW

the 12 Bar Blues was so good that it was every song between 1950 and 1960

It's the solstice so me and the lads are ascending into the cosmos, anyone else up for it?

A purple dinosaur from Ireland? You mean blarney the dinosaur

I wonder if the World's Best Dad gets royalties from all the coffee mugs and t-shirts

I like to think that Batman occasionally has to buy something, like maybe he's thirsty and needs a Gatorade, when he's in his costume and doesn't have time to change.

Clerk: "How are you planning to pay for that?"
Batman: *growly voice* "Put it on my bat-credit card."
Clerk: "Um, this is just a piece of cardboard with "Batman" written on it."
Batman: *even growlier voice* "I'm Batman."


the alexandria library was actually full of shitposts but was burned down when caesar was cancelled

I hope the inventor of the internet logs on every day, sees posts like “pasta is a sandwich” and feels bad about it

Burst through the doors of the saloon and the piano player just kept playing, rude

watching someone screenshot dunk on my dwarf fortress bot has filled me with a sense of purpose in life

i want to have the brain of a person who youtube comments "this makes me think of yesterday by the beatles" on a song that is a cover of yesterday by the beatles

"Welcome to the jungle," said the lion, giving you the customary introduction to the jungle

In the age of the internet, some school somewhere will name their team the Fighting Stans

press the heart to like, the star to fav, the horseshoe if you're a horse, the clover to wish good luck, the blue moon if you saw me standing alone

unfortunately I've been on the internet so long that I've forgotten how to get validation from anything other than strangers pressing a star icon on something I wrote

mastodon timeline flies by so fast, you have like 5 seconds for your toot to get attention. It's like screaming into someone's car window as you pass them on the freeway

Show more

This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM. Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3