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if you're into pinecone fanfiction does that make you a firry

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Strap in, boys. Cuz where we're going, it's illegal to not wear seatbelts

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This account is now devoted to Angry Birds fan theories.

Bears are smart. Congratulations, bear.

My understanding is that waluigi was just normal lanky guy who had no idea who Luigi was, met wario at a bar or something, and when wario said “this is what I’m into, if we’re going to get involved with each other I want you to be part of it” and then waluigi had to construct a whole wasona

drinKING. smoKING. spanKING. all these kings in my life, and still no queen… any takers? ;)

music lyrics challenge! replace every instance of "the sky" with "this guy":

Queen: look up to this guy and see…

Lennon: Lucy and this guy with diamonds

Hendrix: 'scuze me, while I kiss this guy

george harrison's My Sweet Lord is totally a ripoff of vanilla ice

Toxic Masculinity but it's sung by Tim Curry in Fern Gully

*gets attacked by bear* Ah finally, a death worthy of a MAN

"Like that bell!" - some youtube person, probably

I got a Master's in penile science. With a minor in the balls.

*little mermaid voice*
look at this shit
doesn't it suck
wouldn't you say my life's all fucked up?

If my cats could divorce me and take all the money they would

"Out in these parts, they call her by many names. Baby. Honey. Ragtime gal."
"What happens if she sends you a kiss by wire?"
"Buddy, you don't wanna know."

I guess it's better than going full Simpsons and forcing future scholars to decide what counts as canon and when the shark was truly jumped

beatles: *is greatest band of all time*
beatles: *breaks up*
beatles: hey lets have 4 really disappointing solo careers with some okay songs 'n' stuff

one of the great mysteries of science is how Paul could have written ~75% of the best Beatles songs but then had such a disappointing solo career

I LOVE mastodon. I love the power I feel pounding through my veins like blood. Each time I get a follower or a boost, I get stronger. Some say I do it for the fame. Well, they're wrong. I do it for the massive amount of money I make off this website.

why does God keep teasing me with one or two gray hairs. I want to be a silverfox NOW

the 12 Bar Blues was so good that it was every song between 1950 and 1960

It's the solstice so me and the lads are ascending into the cosmos, anyone else up for it?

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This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM. Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3