Pinned toot

if you're into pinecone fanfiction does that make you a firry

Pinned toot

Strap in, boys. Cuz where we're going, it's illegal to not wear seatbelts

Pinned toot

This account is now devoted to Angry Birds fan theories.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is mambo number 5.1.23

RELEASE NOTES:

—fixed bug on “Jessica” line
—added Radio Disney version
—various bug fixes and refinements

(15.7 mb)

Despite popular demand, I will not be deleting my account. I will never delete my account.

Stop👏doing👏posts👏like👏this👏please👏MY LIGHTS ARE TURNING ON AND OFF

The Enlightenment is the worst thing to ever happen to me personally

love having a cat because it's like a moocher roommate who totally disrespects me but tries to bum food off me all the time

Hell yeah it's the weekend, time to drink to forget everything I learned in school this week

Thank god for crosswalks, because I get to feel morally superior to cars when they refuse to stop and run me over anyway

Tired: I havent slept a wink

Wired: my mind is on the blink

I hope someday they blast my music off into space so some alien can be like "what is this garbage"

some malaphors I think about:

-we'll burn that bridge when we get to it
-if you can't stand the bull, get out of the china shop
-where there's smoke, there's mirrors
-fool me once, shame on you; teach a man to fool me, and I'll be fooled for the rest of my life
-come back to haunt you in the ass
-lets not beat around the dead horse
-beauty is in the eye of the tiger
-burning daylight at both ends
-apples to apples, dust to dust
-a stone in the hand is worth two birds in the bush

tub of hummus: "contains 10 servings"

me: heh that's a funny typo, why is there an extra zero

women have made great strides in mathematics, science, and the mario kart wii 200cc speedrun category

the cyber truck comes with a 5 disc cd changer but it’s all Grimes albums and you can’t turn them off or change them

*looks directly at the camera*
I'm not here to make friends.

*over the intercom*
Captain Kirk: I clogged the toilet again. Is anyone on this ship a plumber?

dude cartoons have sucked ass forever, the foundational basis of all american animation is a fucking mouse with gloves going on a boat ride

adopting a "cool guy" quirk like the "chewing a toothpick" thing, except it's that i'm constantly cleaning my ears with a cotton bud in a casual, roguish manner

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freedom.horse

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