ElfLord @ElfLord@freedom.horse

In case you missed it...

I interviewed the elusive @snakeboy, where I grilled him on his secret life. He's never doing another interview again (because I threatened him), so be sure to check it out:

https://youtu.be/FhOeVIDFyy8

ingredients:
1 whole raw chicken
saffron threads
water
salt and pepper

1. Boil 14 cups water in a large pot.
2. Place whole raw chicken in pot of water (14 cups).
3. Add saffron threads, more water, and salt and pepper. Actually, you were supposed to put the salt and pepper on the chicken BEFORE you put it in the water. Idiot. This was a test.
4. Boil chicken for 24 hours.
5. Drain whole chicken in a mesh wire strainer.
6. Place chicken on 1/4th sheet of a paper towel on a plate.
7. Dump chicken in the kitchen trash. That's right. You ruined a perfectly good chicken. You bastard.

This is my real dad.

I wish every cashier in France could take as long as they want with me as a customer to talk to so that I can get out "Je... voudrais... un... pain... au... chocolate." in THICK American accent as their line builds up.

In the movie Harry Potter, why didn't they give them weird hair? Because isn't it supposed to be a fantasy world? Why would they have modern looking hair?

When The Weeknd said:

“And everybody fuckin, everybody fucking
Pussy on the house, everybody fucking“

...I felt that.

If you have a dream your teeth are falling out it means your stepdad Craig smoked the last of your weed out of your underwear drawer.