ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴 @ElfLord@freedom.horse
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Hope this doesn't sound creepy but I'd like to fan you with a palm leaf and clean your pool.
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*dumps a bag of cat food into the toilet and flushes*
I just don't understand why my toilet is always clogged.
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I got a new vacuum and it's so fun to use. You should see all the cat hair it picks up, guys. I don't even have cats. That's how good it is.
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@jordyd Is Star Trek about Picard and Data trying to colonize other planets? Do they want peace
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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i love my friends you fucker
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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The fundamental difference between the US and the UK is that we don’t have peasants.
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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Everyone wants to be a skeleton but no one wants to *be* a skeleton
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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It's too hot, better open a window *is blasted by much hotter air* oh why don't you just fuck off, "outside"?
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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I thought La Croix was spicy water??
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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Digging an onion from the ground with my bare hands like my peasant ancestors. This will be my dinner.
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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honestly this is a formal apology for calling you a bitch
Why did I choose the name ElfLord?? Why not SexHaver@freedom.horse
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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Is there a mrs bean?
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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cheetos good for baby or no
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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getting planted upside down on accident growing through the cement absolutely fucked up on fertilizer and nitrogen
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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if i got spooked by my own hand
Look. All I want to do is go to The Netherlands and see a tulip and maybe wear some wooden shoes.
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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at my funeral get one of those carnival dunk tanks to drop my casket into my grave
Fish bump. It's like a fist bump but both people are holding fish.
Nobody wants to buy my knickknacks on here. Guess it's decided. I'm going to sue @Gargron.
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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0 out of 10 dentists enjoy being kicked
I hope in real life people think I'm charming and not creepy at all.
ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴
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Wait so Andre 3000 isn’t a robot? That’s a robot name
