ElfLord 🇺🇸 .🐴 @ElfLord@freedom.horse
*extremely silly* *very stpid*
I also work on lots of hobbies and here's a website I made listing them: https://myspecialprojects.com
Here is the comedy short story I wrote today. I would be honored if anyone read it. I would scream.
https://onlysomestories.com/2018/06/06/i-just-want-to-dance/
How to earn the respect of men:
1.) Give a big belch. That way, they know you're one of the guys.
2.) Talk about boobs. I don't know what specifically about them. But just say the word, "boobs" at some point in the conversation.
3.) Grab a cold one (slang for "beer"). Be sure to call it, "a cold one" and not, "beer." Men can see right through that.
4.) Do NOT say I love you right away. Sprinkle rose petals and light some candles first.
I'd rather shit in my pants than do my physical therapy exercises right now.
i like peanut butter that wasn't crunchy before i put my finger nails in it
Do you ever just look at pictures of dogs and ask yourself, how can this be real. How can these creatures exist in real life
My mouth is on fire big time
Tomorrow is my last day of weed and caffeine. It's going to be so boring. Roundhouse kick my dick off into the dirt.
I really need to find a bad guy’s castle to attack.
Where my devout christians at??
Fact: Ronaldo always wears long sleeves because his arms are actually a writhing tangle of snakes making furious love
@toilettrouble meows over and over again until you call his mom.
Just got back from the container store. It was so boring I jumped off the balcony and now I'm a ghoooooost.
My favorite classic American dish is spaghetti and mashed potatoes mixed together in a blender and then you eat it with your hands.
My life is at the point now where I don’t even bother to check for cat hairs before eating potato chips off the floor.
a tired pigeon lands on your window sill. he lights two cigarettes in his beak and offers one to you - -
“you’re not going to like this...
get in losers
Read the newest Jack Handey book. He is truly a comedy genius and I am soooo jealous/admiring of him.
One time I was eating watermelon and I swallowed a watermelon seed. Needless to say, it grew in my stomach into ANOTHER watermelon, which I gave birth to. After that, I didn't eat watermelon for at least a month.
You'll never guess this. But in real life, I am quite loud and frequently told to shut up because I truly am being annoying.
I had a subaru justy once, a hatchback mini car. Anyway, it was super old and one day it just caught on fire while I was driving it and I was so close to home I just rolled into my parking spot while the car was on fire. My neighbor came out and made a face at me like, "what are we supposed to do?" and I just went inside the house and kind of kept and eye on it for a while. I probably should have done something else.
gargron told me if this post gets ten thousand boosts he'll give me the website and i will become the new gargron