ElfLord πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ .🐴 is a user on freedom.horse. You can follow them or interact with them if you have an account anywhere in the fediverse. If you don't, you can sign up here.

ElfLord πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ .🐴 @ElfLord@freedom.horse

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Here is the comedy short story I wrote today. I would be honored if anyone read it. I would scream.

onlysomestories.com/2018/06/06

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How to earn the respect of men:

1.) Give a big belch. That way, they know you're one of the guys.
2.) Talk about boobs. I don't know what specifically about them. But just say the word, "boobs" at some point in the conversation.
3.) Grab a cold one (slang for "beer"). Be sure to call it, "a cold one" and not, "beer." Men can see right through that.
4.) Do NOT say I love you right away. Sprinkle rose petals and light some candles first.

If you think about it, no one can truly fuck

we've Show more

motion to change "Federated" to "Fedora Ted" all in favor say "aye"

i want to end all suffering and i also want a decent philly cheesesteak

someone in my office just yelled "yay for commerce!" and my soul is holding on by a thin thread

everybody give yourself a hand today, you're doing great so far

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Cuddlr: Tinder, but specifically for cuddles

Does anyone else get phantom smells sometimes that last a long time like days? I can't even place the smells. Well one time I did. It was burned toast with peanut button melted on it.

"Me britches! Me britches!" - some British person somewhere probably

@ElfLord @cat_sound is wiped out and i'm eating beans ! i'll get on when i'm done

eating

romantic date idea!!!!

feed ur partner paint

I am definitely not ruining my career by tooting β€œif you’re happy and you know it crap your pants.”

getting my own show on the travel channel next year where i visit different home depots and taste their paint

Just noticed everyone on this boat is drunk off their ass.