ElfLord @ElfLord@freedom.horse

In case you missed it...

I interviewed the elusive @snakeboy, where I grilled him on his secret life. He's never doing another interview again (because I threatened him), so be sure to check it out:

https://youtu.be/FhOeVIDFyy8

ingredients:
1 whole raw chicken
saffron threads
water
salt and pepper

1. Boil 14 cups water in a large pot.
2. Place whole raw chicken in pot of water (14 cups).
3. Add saffron threads, more water, and salt and pepper. Actually, you were supposed to put the salt and pepper on the chicken BEFORE you put it in the water. Idiot. This was a test.
4. Boil chicken for 24 hours.
5. Drain whole chicken in a mesh wire strainer.
6. Place chicken on 1/4th sheet of a paper towel on a plate.
7. Dump chicken in the kitchen trash. That's right. You ruined a perfectly good chicken. You bastard.

This is my real dad.

Who on here loves Dua Lipa besides me?

Today is @snakeboy’s birthday! Be sure to wish him lots birthday spankings!😏 🎂

I think I have the kind of daydream fantasies that a 9 year old boy might have. Like a fantasy of walking down the street and getting attacked by some stranger men and just whooping their asses with my perfect karate skills.

Mastodon is made for you to express your inner fantasies/monologue.

Is there anything more beautiful in life than an angelic, beautifully made up bride in white lace dress getting a bucket of chum throw on her back at her beach wedding?

(She can just jump in the ocean to wash it off and we laugh about it for the rest of the wedding.)

Is there anything more beautiful in life than going to pick up your jack o' lantern the day after halloween and it's been smashed to pieces with a sledge hammer and so has your mailbox and car?

Is there anything more beautiful in life than waking up screaming in the night, jumping out of bed and shouting to your husband, "There's a spider on the blankets! Kill it! Kill it!", and he says to you, "You're dreaming," and you go back to sleep?

My first exposure to music was The Beatles early stuff when I was a kid, and I think that evolved and branched off into me settling on dance pop as my favorite genre of music. #ElfLore

There's too much rain in Seattle! If I can be blessed with your vote, I will make the rain stop permanently.

I would make a great politician. Based on what I say on social media.

Ok not to get political, but I think we should help the children. 🙏

"Ha! The classic redirect," I say to myself aloud, staring at a blank computer screen.