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I got a new vacuum and it's so fun to use. You should see all the cat hair it picks up, guys. I don't even have cats. That's how good it is.

my name colby my name colby my name is colby and i believe in you

(pulls up to Mastodon in a station wagon, Chrome's "Alien Soundtracks" blasting from the speakers) get in losers were going antiquing

Iโ€™m not ready to learn Iโ€™m a sims character in a simulation.

Help my cat is smoking a blunt and shooting dice with some raccoons and it keeps telling me to fuck off

putting on a puppet show to teach children the allegory of plato's cave

how does one "accidentally stumble into a date" apart from drunkenly tripping over nothing and falling on the table of a young couple on their first outing

*flirting* H-hey. You wanna watch cosmos? The carl sagan version, of course.

If a page doesn't loan in less than a second, I shut down my computer and leave the house and go outside for the rest of the day.

We've got to form an alliance with the UK before things get weird over there.

British people love their soldier guys that protect the queen so much, they made an emoji for it ๐Ÿ’‚

gonna stuff my snakeboy wallet with crisp 50's and coke

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This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM. Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3