ElfLord @ElfLord@freedom.horse

I’m hanging out with your dad. He’s really into Deep Purple.

yeah i got ADHD: alarmingly huge dick disorder

Walking up to a group of girls at a bar: haha yeah totally, that reminds me of this dril tweet...

@badboy69 i am thinking about when you told your mom "voting is for simps and cucks!" and she said "ok then get on it"

horny on main? is that some town in england?

italian researchers are constantly working to find the smallest vessel one can drink espresso from

if you play a ukelele and you are a girl please stay away from me, i dont want problems, i want peace

lana del rey makes music for girlbosses who exclusively date men who do not own a bedframe

"Hold on, I gotta go to the bathroom (falls down the stairs)"

@breakfastgolem @ElfLord taking off from Cornwall and slamming directly into Florida

flipping through book like "there's technically no rule that says a super fuckin' ripped kangaroo CAN'T enter this bodybuilding competition. get that marsupial a bottle of muscle oil and show him to the stage."

organising my posts by mouthfeel

me, 99 years old, my house absolutely clogged with pool-toys

The only dew point I know is the Mountain Dew point #ad #products

stop saying "my kid could paint that," and start saying "my kid *will* paint that!" the time is now to introduce your child to the lucrative world of art forgery

either you're american and drink from the red cups or you're european and drink from pint glasses you've stolen from your local bar or pub

c l u m p l e s s

if she's your girlfriend how come i'm boosting her posts