The fundamental difference between the US and the UK is that we donโ€™t have peasants.

Everyone wants to be a skeleton but no one wants to *be* a skeleton

It's too hot, better open a window *is blasted by much hotter air* oh why don't you just fuck off, "outside"?

I thought La Croix was spicy water??

Digging an onion from the ground with my bare hands like my peasant ancestors. This will be my dinner.

honestly this is a formal apology for calling you a bitch

@snakeboy Relatable. I always have dreams where I'm screaming but no sound comes out. In a stressful situation as well. I think it's just an anxiety dream about other stuff swimming around in my cesspool of a brain.

Why did I choose the name ElfLord?? Why not

getting planted upside down on accident growing through the cement absolutely fucked up on fertilizer and nitrogen

Look. All I want to do is go to The Netherlands and see a tulip and maybe wear some wooden shoes.

@snakeboy So THAT'S where that smell has been coming from the whole time. It's done, guys. We can all go home now.

at my funeral get one of those carnival dunk tanks to drop my casket into my grave

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