I can't figure out why all the women on this train keep bothering me asking for my number. I'm trying to relax on my journey, jeez.

*slides note to you with a bunch of numbers on it*
me: *flirting* Meet me at these coordinates.

We live in the future where we have to block robots from following us.

Story time. Let's share some stories with each other. Let's do share and tell or whatever.

my parents gave me a toy robot in exchange for learning how to piss in the toilet

Sorry I stared in your eyes and licked myself in front of you.

its weird the phrase "to peel back the layers of an onion" means what it means. I peel and chop several onions a week and I've never found anything surprising. it's always more onion

Played Stellaris for the first time. Was an alien. Watched Star Trek "Voyager". Went to the grocery store and got 3 eggplants, which I was carded for.

"Think of the biggest number you can think of. Now imagine bigger. It's bigger than that. Probably." - @jordyd as a professor

@softmetals Sounds like a good Monday night to me. I hope you're hitting a sweet nug or maybe doing beers.

*on a first date*
date: so where are you from?
me: I spawned in the nether.

Fav this if you're currently taking hits of pot or doing beers.

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This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM.

Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3