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weed drug Show more

*cleans apartment and litter box area*
my cat: hell ya time to take a shit and fuck it up

Cut my jeans into pieces
This is a pair of jorts

Got a headlight bulb replaced today at the gas station. This isn't a joke as much as something I actually did.

weed drug Show more

Today I had to go to the mall to get a container from the container store. It was horrible. It was so boring. I wanted to take a spice rack and somehow kill myself with it.

gonna get high and clean a bathtub today

idk how Howie Mandel finds the time to also be the frontman for Disturbed

iโ€™ve got wives everywhere. church wife. school wife. home wife. deli wife. they all know each other, and theyre all wives together too. iโ€™m kinda the odd one out. somethings going on i think. kinda feeling itchy under my skin about it, you know? alrite, good talk therapy wife

Listen. Say what you want about "dinosaurs with feathers aren't scary" or whatever if a chicken the size of a building was chasing me I'd be a little nervous, feathers or no feathers

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i still do not comprehend whatโ€™s going on in this game. there are evil AIs thatโ€™s all iโ€™ve gathered. i think i have to shoot them

this guy at the convenience store looked at me weird probably for wearing dark red sweats and a pink sweater and all i could think was โ€œyouโ€™re wearing a fucking suit dude itโ€™s saturday.โ€

True story: Someone keeps putting the grocery store numbered balloons in order so it says 42069.

what if NASA was like โ€œweโ€™re just gonna wing itโ€

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This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM. Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3