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When parents get a babysitter, it's because they're going to go have sex in their car for a while.

WE LITERALLY SEND PEOPLE TOO YOUNG TO DRINK TO THE MIDDLE EAST TO DIE FOR OUR UNINHIBITED ACCESS TO GASOLINE AND I THINK THATS BEAUTIFUL

Man, I would trade my grandmother's life for a Twixโ„ข right now.

Me writing down the name of another cat on my home timeline I just learned

After a while the bra sizes go up from 32A cup to "Big Hooters" and "Nice Honkers".

You can eat a diamond. It doesnโ€™t mean anything

*accidentally glancing at myself in the mirror* oh no not you again

Me and my mate putting on a two man horse costume and walking into the vet to try and get some ketamine

if you hate my toots dont forget to smash that block button

immensely dumb 

@pisscotheque please get my permission before you post excerpts from my lion king fanfiction

Hi guys. I'm here and ready to put more garbage on the internet.

*on a first date*
I have a fortune III pickaxe with mending on it.

selling my forehead scrapings to my fans

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freedom.horse

This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM. Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3