Show more

sometimes i forget that folks really be out here being named "Steve."

smh actually means shaking my hand

Mastodonโ€™s Brits, while enjoying a bowl of โ€œQueenโ€™s porridge,โ€ which is boiled chicken in a bowl of tepid seawater: lol @ you Americans sucking down your flavorless slop

Hi sorry I was gone for so long, I was busy being Kate Winslet as Clementine Kruczynski in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

๐Ÿ† Thank you for this oscar. First, I want to thank my mom. Second of all, I want to thank God. Thatโ€™s about it.

subtoot, missed connections 

@citrustwee you come into my country, you disrespect my video games, on this, the eve of 9/11

somebody who creates ketchup out of thin air is a saucerer

subtoot, missed connections 

putting on jeans and a t-shirt, the bare minimum effort clothes for a human, and my friends shaking their heads as i go through a montage of different low-effort outfits

meeting up with @ElfLord as she reads off a list of my most sinful posts in front of god and my parents

cant wait for tomorrow where there will be 5 9/11 jokes and 30 posts asking for content warnings

everybody stop being so attractive you're making me look bad

i try to go about my business but the balloon-like squeak of my ass alerts the local clowns

*exfoliating my skin with some 800 grit* ah,,, refreshing,,,

Show more

This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM. Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3