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ElfLord boosted

sometimes i forget that folks really be out here being named "Steve."

ElfLord boosted

smh actually means shaking my hand

ElfLord boosted

Mastodon’s Brits, while enjoying a bowl of “Queen’s porridge,” which is boiled chicken in a bowl of tepid seawater: lol @ you Americans sucking down your flavorless slop

Hi sorry I was gone for so long, I was busy being Kate Winslet as Clementine Kruczynski in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

🏆 Thank you for this oscar. First, I want to thank my mom. Second of all, I want to thank God. That’s about it.

subtoot, missed connections 

ElfLord boosted
ElfLord boosted

@citrustwee you come into my country, you disrespect my video games, on this, the eve of 9/11

ElfLord boosted

somebody who creates ketchup out of thin air is a saucerer

subtoot, missed connections 

ElfLord boosted

putting on jeans and a t-shirt, the bare minimum effort clothes for a human, and my friends shaking their heads as i go through a montage of different low-effort outfits

ElfLord boosted

meeting up with @ElfLord as she reads off a list of my most sinful posts in front of god and my parents

ElfLord boosted

cant wait for tomorrow where there will be 5 9/11 jokes and 30 posts asking for content warnings

ElfLord boosted

everybody stop being so attractive you're making me look bad

ElfLord boosted
ElfLord boosted

i try to go about my business but the balloon-like squeak of my ass alerts the local clowns

selfie, ec 

ElfLord boosted

*exfoliating my skin with some 800 grit* ah,,, refreshing,,,

ElfLord boosted

just realised how funny the term fire place is. oh yeah that's the fire place. thats where we put the fire

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freedom.horse

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