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I relate to Weekend At Bernie's because I too go through the motions at work like a dead guy barely being held up by two of his employees.

*into the mic* "Hi I'm Billie Eyelash and I do Billie Eilish covers."

Every man-has-opinion news story I read burns through another one of my brain cells.

ElfLord boosted

I've no idea what I'm supposed to do here but I've followed two Garfield shitposting accounts and regret nothing

It's so strange to have so much in common with someone who lives on the wrong side of the world, but I guess that's what makes this website beautiful.

Everybody here remembers the internet from the Good Ole Days. It wasn't THAT great back then.

1. Does anyone remember making a sandwich while a picture loaded on a website?
2. Does anyone remember getting yelled at by their mom while waiting for dial up to actually go through and connect to the internet?
3. Does anyone remember the incredible amount of pop ups you had to click out when you were trying to watch a little porn, just trying to get a little peace and quiet from your family for a while?

I only feed my cats what they would eat in the wild. So not guacamole.

MarilynManson_TheBeautifulPeople_(Christmas version)_Remix_10hrs_xXxSkullKrushrxXx.mp3

ElfLord boosted
ElfLord boosted

I'm glad Uber has started refusing service to goths and hope more companies follow their example.

ElfLord boosted

remembering the time that a bunch of lads in my year at school boasted about how they'd hung out on the weekend and took viagra. imagine chillin in your mams living room with the boys... but the twist is you have pure raging stonk ons.

ElfLord boosted

these stocks from the olden times had holes for the arms, legs and head, plus a large bonus hole for the criminal’s magnum dong

ElfLord boosted
ElfLord boosted
ElfLord boosted
ElfLord boosted

How do I keep ending up at these LAN parties?

ElfLord boosted

I am BLASTING Mariah Carey and singing my HEART out.

I knew I'd arrived on mastodon the day Jer responded to one of my replies to him.

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