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ElfLord boosted

elizabeth warren reportedly has a plan to 'kick [my] ass' and 'slap [me] around like a stuck hog'. let it be known that i will heavily reconsider voting for her after this

*carefully cuts and pastes into bio the words, "@GamerGirl87 on Twitch"*

Opinion: I think America should be better for the children.

I want to be in one of those bikes-on-the-back-of-the-van families. How do I get into one of those families?

I've decided to wear a fedora today. I decided to do Talk Like A Fedora Day today.

I've decided to do Talk Like A Pirate Day today. I know it's a little early but...

@snakeboy ARgh! Answer me messages! *pokes at you with hook hand* Why am I talking like a pirate? I don't know. Maybe it's in your signal messages. Better check 'em!!!!

ElfLord boosted

The Pacific ocean from up on a forested ridge. The craggy looking trees are very Oregon Coast

Can I have a second to text my dad about quinoa?

I NEED @jordyd to feed me popsicles and tell me I'm going to be ok.

Right now I'm getting matching stick and poke tattoos with @snakeboy. Mine's a heart with "mom" written in the center oozing blood, and @snakeboy's tattoo is half a dot.

Look. All I want is to take a tasteless picture with a plastic statue of Ronald McDonald, ok??

Your Honor, my defendant is guilty. ...And yes I went to a lot of community theater plays as a kid.

When I was a kid I used to want to be a famous singer and now I think the idea of being famous sounds really unsafe and scary like, you don't get to be anonymous at all anymore, a lot of people criticize you, and strangers yell at you in the street more than normal.

If I were a pokemon I'd be Jigglypuff for sure.

Feeling tempted again to reply to everyone's posts with, "yeah me too".

Yeah I swear on here. I've said a cuss.

I know if I'm being too loud when the cat's ears go back.

ElfLord boosted

Staircases should go in two directions

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