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I would hate to be a celebrity because photographers take close ups of your skin and then everybody judges your skin.

ElfLord boosted
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I think I might do some minecraft tutorials on how to build. I want to be the Bob Ross of minecraft.

food, my dad 

My dad has eaten the same thing every day for 34 years. He's a former bodybuilder and he's still a health nut. This is what he eats:

Breakfast: egg whites with a tiny little baby bit of feta, a banana, protein shake

Lunch: canned tuna, salsa, and rice mixed together, bag of carrots, broccoli, spinach, doused in fat free ranch dressing

Dinner: 1-2 lbs fish, a red potato, fat free sour cream, spray I can't believe it's not butter, almost an entire bag of salad, fat free ranch dressing

Dessert: 4 sugar free popsicles

Actually, my dad would probably do that in real life if this was the 1800s. He's strong. He could break down a door.

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I'm really bad at the phone. I just forget I have a phone all day and then I look and there's 50 messages from my dad saying, "Are you ok???"

Like, Jesus, I haven't responded to your messages for a day. If this was olden times would you knock on my door every 5 minutes to tell me whatever and then break down the door if I didn't answer??

ElfLord boosted

My wifw has decided to "consciously defederate" from me

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ElfLord boosted

good news: if all goes well we may escape quarantine without a red hot chili peppers quarantine album

In Minecraft I've been trying to find two donkeys for WEEKS so I can breed them with golden carrots for an advancement and last night I dreamed I found two donkeys and bred them and then I woke up and I was SO pissed it was just a dream.

I am so nervous for my online sewing tutor session next week. What if she finds out I'm a total dunce??

ElfLord boosted

Ok I think I should do something productive now and get off mastodon. Be back in like, 2 minutes when I get bored of being responsible.

It's been a year since I wrote a finished comedy piece for my website. My life is just a bunch of half-baked ideas I write on little scraps of paper around the house and then inevitably lose.

I don't have kids and I haven't posted in a while, but still considering putting, "mommy blogger" in my bio.

You ever look at an old blog you used to post on and go, "Wow, this is embarrassing. I can't believe I used to be into this bullshit"?

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