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ElfLord boosted

me: (inventory clattering with 33372 health potions)
also me: (dies)

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ElfLord boosted

I grew up in rural America and it sucked ass driving 30 minutes to a grocery store and then seeing your crush because there’s only one grocery store.

Growing up, my friend’s dad regularly went on rants around me about guns and open faced sandwiches.

ElfLord boosted

i really hope i can go somewhere to eat where they cook it in front of me, it's a huge part of the experience for me watching them cook it in front of me, i hope i can see them cook it in front of me.

ElfLord boosted

the human brain is a bit like a treadmill with a guy running on it. except, there is no guy

Time to play a video game and fill the room with sweat.

ElfLord boosted

kinda fucked up that there are people who can look up at the infinite miracle of the cosmos and think 'wow i bet i can sell this'

ElfLord boosted

me and the lads are in space with bezos, we gave him some gas station dick pills and told him they were oxygen supplements

ElfLord boosted

"in the future, computers will be so powerful that they'll be able to solve bullshit math equations to generate fake money incredibly quickly"
"that sounds... bad"
"It is"

God I forgot what a grind pokemon is.

I'm playing pokemon diamond and I swear to god I've been leveling up my piece of shit pichu forever and then I looked it up and realized pichu only learns shit moves and you have to evolve it with friendship into a pikachu to get better moves?

I wish there was tinder but for friendship.

ElfLord boosted

food 

There's something primal about sucking the succulent crab meat out of its shell and letting out a big grunt after.

ElfLord boosted

I think I could do what the guys on Dragon Ball Z do. Probably no problem.

ElfLord boosted

most of us already live in the new jersey on the inside

ElfLord boosted

Req? Sick foot freak. His country is shaped like a boot. Get outta here

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ElfLord boosted

It’s time to play pokemon diamond until I pass out.

How do you make friends as a 30 year old in a city? Is there like a forum I can join?

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