Stranger Things Season 3 spoilers 

Me[Deftly and mercilessly karate-chopping an entire wedding party]: I'M SORRY! I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!

Let me assure you all that I am consistently underwhelming across MULTIPLE social media platforms

we are very sorry that our product failed to live up to its reputation; here is how we will prevent our software from ever failing or having bugs ever again:

mastodon is crumbling and some blame anyone who has ever been hornt on main

Sure, everyone loves comets, but nobody wants to take care of them once they grow up to become Space Frogs.

I'm starting to suspect that for my entire life I have been shifting back and forth between parallel universes that are identical except for the spelling of grey/gray

met a guy on Grindr who claimed to be a "dog daddy." Folks, I must warn you, this is blatant false advertising, he had no canine characteristics whatsoever

please report any unregistered clowns you see

these pickles are raspberry cheesecake flavour, made them myself

*bites into one and immediately gags*

Sitting in another subcommittee meeting of the National Organization of Socialist Realists thinking about spiraling peppermint wheels and paisley trousered badgers like the true rebel I am

As a libertarian I believe that power should be in the hands of the people.


I crack the lid of my Weber and peer out. Bathers splash and frolick in the salty glare. I click my tongs at them disapprovingly. The other crabs scuttle away, mocking me.

The Oort Cloud is not considered a safe place to store your personal information

Stevia is derived from a sweet milky fluid secreted exclusively by Steves

I bet you Achilles’s balls were pretty vulnerable too.

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