Has anyone made a hip-hop album called “The Rappening” yet? I’m definitely trademarking that.

Getting married to a pizza and the wedding registry is wild.

Does anyone have a spare thinking cap I can put on?

Putting my butt on a billboard for everyone to look at.

Life involves a lot of trying not to think about your eventual death.

My exercise routine involves lots of crunches, Cheesy Gordita Crunches in particular.

My brand is starting a post and realizing it’s not worth finishing

Indifference is boring, I only do undifference now.

@SuperAlbino This is the traditional service. The modern service is cosplaying Madonna’s Like A Prayer video.

‪My ideal church service would involve Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” being played on a loop.‬

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I buy my deodorant out of the trunk of my weed dealer’s car for maximum freshness

If Captain America got in a fight with Jesus, I think he'd cry over it but still finish the job

I’m a sexy sex boy and I don’t care who knows it!

Time to roll up my sleeves and do absolutely nothing.

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This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM.

Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3