If you wear a tracksuit in public you are either
A.) ready for sports
Or
B.) selling discount jewelry out of the trunk of your car

when I think about it, my least favorite thing is consequences

What your parents think when you tell them you don’t go to church.

everyone says devil may cry but nobody asks devil why cry

Constantly carrying around a fork, knife and bib just waiting for someone to ask if I’m hungry.

Just trying to get rich enough that they can shoot my body into space when I die.

I woke up today softly whispering “sleep” to myself. Just a regular Saturday morning!

@SuperAlbino John's Defeat The Huns Emporium has made it their motto

How often do businessmen say, “Let’s get down to business?” I’m asking for a friend.

Betrayal at the Orange Julius: A Tragedy in 3 Parts

I have a rat who helps me cook, but the only ingredient they ever add is their shit.

People are up in arms over my new children’s book, “Who Cares If You Swears?”

"Cry HVAC and let slip the dogs of war(mth)"

- Bill Shakespeare, furnace sales professional.

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freedom.horse

This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM.

Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3