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Shouldn't have worn my diamond encrusted grillz while panhandling. This is going terribly

It's a tough world out there but gotta lol. Lolling is the best medicine after all

Showing up at your kids' school play drinking from a suspiciously pale bottle of coke

If crabs evolve little human hands to replace their claws I think should let them have the right to vote, but until they do...

Two of my bosses have custom license plates on their cars and that's how you can tell they're cunts

3D printing your own funko pops is the only real praxis

If you have internet you are a dweeb nerd dork. Instead, drive a car.

I can speak only in riddles, they're just really easy ones


I’ll give ya the ol’ one two (fave and boost)

im dialectsexual, i only fuck ppl when im debating them

@maggotboy it is the posters creed. Truth and flasity shall all become the same in the great eye of the net.

It's fun that the real truths I tell about myself in my posts get mixed in amongst the constant lies

I haven't spoke with my dad since I think September now but one time when I was a kid school got closed because of snow so he made me and my sister do school work at home and I'm still healing from that trauma so fuck him

Sending very real emails telling companies who send me jokes today to go fuck themselves

It would have whipped ass to be a musician in 1964, and name your group something like the Jelly Beans and put out a single named "Baby be mine"

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