internalized transphobia / body image / disassociation / art / accountability
i want to start drawing self portraits to get past a bunch of internalized transphobia / body image stuff that’s been coming up for me lately. i’m not sure what i’d do with them. i want to post them here but i think it’s pretty likely that would be difficult for me. i wanted to at least express the idea out loud so it doesn’t get swallowed by the disassociation monster. i’ve never been able to draw a self portrait. i tried taking an art class once and when a self portrait was assigned for the final, i dropped the class. so it’s kind of a big hurdle for me to get past. but i’ve grown a lot since then, so i want to try again.
dreams, mild violence
i had this dream where the fellowship from the lord of the rings was the crew of a spacecraft and they were all genderqueer and there were all these relationships going on between them and they were on a mission to bring supplies to an isolated colony and this evil wizard was trying to stop them and they crash landed on an uninhabited planet and the wizard was about to kill them all but he underestimated the hobbits and they got in a classic hobbit backstab and defeated him and then i woke up.
it was a great show i can’t wait for season 2
every time i think i’m finally starting to get pretty good at communication in relationships, something pops up and says “haha, you’re not being nearly as vulnerable as you thought you were, in fact, here’s a list of toxic behaviors that you use to hide from vulnerability and here’s all the ways they’re fucking up your relationship” and then i’m like well. guess i have a bunch of new stuff to work on.
🐈 child cat
This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM. Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3