Pinned toot

Ha Ha! You may very well have been at your uni's student union, but I have in fact been posting on The Internet for over a decade. Check and mate!

Showed up to work today and people were taking turns in a paddling pool full of piss.

I don’t know a single thing about Homestuck

So there's a ridiculous amount of ice cream trucks playing jingles constantly where I've just moved to and I'm too scared to 1v1 them, so now I just scream 'your fave is problematic' at the kids instead.

Ha Ha! You may very well have been at your uni's student union, but I have in fact been posting on The Internet for over a decade. Check and mate!

Everyone is banging on about the news, what if I want to check the olds?

The best people on here are the ones that regularly boost my toots and that's just a fact

Found this in my mate's new house from a few years ago. I give the best Christmas cards

nothing like doing a drug deal right before payday

i love big drugs and i cannot lie

I can't figure out why all the women on this train keep bothering me asking for my number. I'm trying to relax on my journey, jeez.

I'm going back to my ex's house to wash my clothes this week, should I trim my pubes and dust them over her bed, or leave them in a little pile on her bedside table?

Sometimes my connection is a bit shitty and I start cutting out IRL

Every day I leave the house with my suit on and my briefcase in hand. My wife doesn't know I was fired months ago, I sit in the woods all day and my briefcase is full of bags of crisps I sit and eat. Then I go home and tell her how hard my day was

Fuck Brexit Britain, let's call it what it is - Batshit Britain

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freedom.horse

This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM.

Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3