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PLEASE know that I sincerely do want to follow EVERYONE back but I get anxiety and am easily overwhelmed on social media...

so i made a self-care rule that i will only follow back folks that i know / have met in real life (with a tiny handful of exceptions), so let's meet IRL! (it's more fun anyway)

thank you for being understanding <3

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oops 500 char #intro Show more

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Guess what I'm saying. Sorry about... sorry about all the shitty people!

remember when peter pan's bratty kid taught all the pirates how to play baseball? history is pretty fucked up if you ask me

how dare you all leave me off of your lists. my lawyer will be in touch with ALL of you. he's in outer space right now in a spaceship solving crimes, but as soon as he gets back you are all gonna get it BIG time

open your mouth and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise!

we are gonna slay the dragon tonight and steal her egg and her breath

*trying to come up with something profound to say on Mastodon*

Butts are Good

An easy poem for hard days Show more

i smoked one beer in 1987 and went to jail for 30 years, don't make the same mistakes i did

this holiday season, force your friends and family to fall in love with you again by buying yourself a large truck and driving it all over everyone's carefully landscaped property

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This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM.

Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3