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hey for real if any of you live in or pass by st louis, please let me know. i'd very much like to hang out!!

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But What Can Following Zoey Get *Me*?

great question. following zoey on mastodon unlocks the following features:

• Updates when Zoey is horny, stoned, or both

• Constant information about Zoey, as provided by Zoey

• A weird amount of selfies

• Insecurity about probably being a furry

• Buckets of blood mailed to your home

• Bic pen slash fic on request

• envelopes of blood under your pillows

• owls flying into your home dropping an m80
strapped to a blood balloon

• spotify playlists

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intro post:
i'm the tiger-riding queen of a dark skeleton army and i live in a spiral tower

selfie ec Show more

man i would be really interested in doing some video essays on games, but i dunno if that's worth expending creative energy on, since i sincerely doubt anyone would want that? i dunno. would y'all want that?

like, the stuff that got me thinking about this is an in-depth critique of dark souls, an examination of puzzle construction in The Devil's Playhouse and how it works as a fantastic demonstration of how adventure games should construct things, and ace attorney

@spicekebab honestly i was just trying to antagonize nog lovers for no reason

is there anyone out there who regularly sleeps on air mattresses? I'm considering a living situation in which I'll likely spend more days than not on one. Is this tenable? it's been forever since i tried one, i forgot how comfortable they are.

hot take: egg nog is seasonal so as to prevent Noggins (nog fans) from drinking enough to realize it tastes awful

egg nog! it's like if bacon being a meme happened each winter

@zoey I'm afraid this is the risk you run if you attend a rival of Arkansas

i should probably be concerned about what it means that pigman stole the college triforce, but i don't follow politics

graduation update: a giant pigman just killed the dean

at a graduation ceremony for my brother and it's almost offensively boring. jesus, the things you college students have to apparently listen to.

they do have a triforce though. you gotta fight ganon for that, that's not easy

Hey everyone! What are your favorite brands to engage with? :-)

jesus i have to be at an office party in an hour and see family tomorrow. i fucking hate this, why do people have to get to know me?

"so what do you do in your free time?"
'cry, stare at the wall and feel bad, internet'

"Newly discovered silent film from 1898 is believed to be the earliest cinematic depiction of African-American affection."


me: when it comes to happiness, just fake it till you make it :)

young lad: when do you stop having to fake it?

me: haha what

@streetvalkyrie @zoey @scoots @anna I'm Jewish and Inglourious Basterds was something of a dream come true in the sense that it externalized the absolute hatred Jews have for Hitler and the Nazis. My mom was born in Israel and she loved the movie because it allowed her to be gleeful about killing Nazis; a lot of us Jews have been taught to kind of suppress that rage because it might look ugly or drag us down, so seeing it so proudly displayed was weirdly cathartic.

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bro, if I was a stand up comedian I’d totally kill it. The only reason I don’t have a Netflix special is because I think it would detract from some of their wonderful female comedians, none of whom have texted me back. But whatever the point is I’ve got a tight 15 ready to go whenever you need me

i wanna put out some positivity cause of my posts today

god bless single parents, holy shit
i encounter so many single working moms at work and 99 out of 100 are so ridiculously kind and hardworking and scrappy af.

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straight white guy getting a tattoo to comemorate eating a whole pizza

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This is a place to go when you want FREEDOM.

Get things off your chest. Share your secrets with strangers. Scream into the abyss. Tell filthy jokes. Make a joke at all. <3